pleasure and pain

Carbs, our go to food when things could be better. Be it cupcakes, Nutella or my favourite chips we crave the brief feeling of pleasure they bestow upon us.

But what do we do when carbs aren’t enough, when things are so bad you need something that makes you feel alive?

I’ve heard that term used by adrenalin junkies, that they chase the rush so that they feel alive. This is different this isn’t the need to spice up your life that I’m referring to, it’s when you have reached a point for whatever reason where you feel no connection with those around you. Be they family, friends or even complete strangers. You are hollow inside. You hunger.

You no longer feel part of humanity. You need to feel alive.

How do you reconnect to humanity? How do you feel alive? How do you fill the void?

I seek out pain and I’m not to concerned what form it takes as long as the void is filled. It could take the form of pain and range from hitting a brick wall to picking a fight with 4 or 5 guys so that they could inflict as much damage upon me as possible. Or it could take the form of pleasure, long finger nails raked down your back, to whips or even a lovely lady walking down your back wearing stilettos.

All can fill the void by various amounts and periods of time depending on the type and intensity of the pain but what do you do when the pain is not enough?

I haven’t felt the need for real pain for many years though I’ve still longed for the pleasure but now the hunger is back.

I’ve been told what I feel and how I handle it isn’t normal.

What is normal? How do normal people fill the void? How do they feel alive when it all becomes to much?

One of my all time favourite bands and pretty much the only one that speaks to me.


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